Snape's Opposite
by DM-sama
Summary: Rule #5,031: Never, ever, EVER place an opposite charm on Professor S. Snape. Completely Random.


**~*Professor Snape's Opposite*~**

**A/N: I have no idea why I'm writing this…. It just seemed funny…**

"Aki, I'm telling you, this plan is foolproof!"

"Then how come _you're_ doing it!"

"Touché."

"Shh! You're going to wake him up!" whispered Aki as they sneaked into Professor Snape's room. DM pulled out her wand and crept towards the bed but was stopped when Aki grabbed her sleeve and said, "What if you're caught? It's after curfew; we're out of bounds, and trying to charm a _teacher _that hates us!"

"And if it works then Gryffindor will be in lead with over a thousand points!" she snapped and continued to crawl towards the teachers bed. Once she was right next to it, she indicated Aki to come over.

"B-but don't you have, like, a _huge _crush on Snape?" She tried again as DM placed her wand on the teacher's forehead.

"Are you kidding me? He's H-O-T! But I just want to see what happens!" she whispered and took a deep breath.

"_We want to see you being really poppisite _

_So for at least a little while, act like your opposite"_

"That's the best you can come up with?" Nearly shrieked Aki and that caused Snape to shift a little. DM dragged her out of the room and raced over to Gryffindor Tower.

"Truthfully I think it was brilliant! What's your excuse, you can't brew a single potion without it blowing up!" said DM, once they were safe in the common room.

"Of course _your _excellent in potions class, you hang onto every single word Snape's ever said!" Aki snapped back.

"...It's _Professor_ Snape…"

**~*O*~**

"S-so, do you think it'll _work_?" asked Aki nervously. It was breakfast time and everyone was in the Great Hall. All the students were eating, excluding Aki. She felt sick and didn't want to even smell food.

"Hey it worked before, remember? Why shouldn't it work now?" DM answered who, unlike Aki, was stuffing as much food down her tiny throat.

Just then a certain potions master can walking in and took his seat at the staff table. Much to DM's disappointment, he still had that permanent glare in place.

Aki sighed with relief though, but it was not uncaught. Ron looked over to her and asked, "What's the matter, Aki?"

Aki didn't say anything as she dug into her food as well. DM stared at Snape for a moment longer before shrugging and going back to her toast.

"I wonder why it didn't work?" said DM, thinking aloud, and she sulked for the rest of the hour. All of the teachers got up to leave for class, but at the exit, Snape turned to McGonagall and said, "Why, Minerva, you look rather lovely in that cap, I say."

The whole castle was silenced with a shocked gasped. Five miles away a volcano erupted. DM, who was taking a deep swig of milk, sprayed it all on Harry, who was too shocked to notice.

Her spitting was the only thing to be heard for miles (other than the exploding volcano). Snape causally walked out with a smile on his face; sixteen miles away a flock of pigeons fell from the sky, dead.

With a smirk on her face, DM turned to Aki and said, "What was it you asked?"

Aki turned as white as a ghost and managed to utter, "We. Are. _So_. Dead."

The whole school was talking about Snape and for once, all of Gryffindor was anticipated for potions.

They shouldn't have.

"Oh, hello, my wonderful students, and welcome to another exciting lesson of potions today!" Everyone was dumbstruck but 12 kids dropped dead when they saw the room.

It wasn't anything but pink. Pink cauldrons, pink books, pink shelves, pink bottles.

Pink, pink, pink, _pink_!

They saw Snape and everyone nearly fled the room. He…he grew (gulp) chibi cat ears.

Aki flat out fainted while DM drooled at the new Snape.

"Ah, sit, sit. We have a lot of cheer-filled learning to do today! Hello young Aki, how are you today? Harry, hope you're doing dandy!"

DM had to drag Harry to his seat before his lesson began.

"Now today we will learn how to spread happiness through the simple potion! Now, hurry, hurry, we have so little time and yet still so much to learn!" said Snape with a smile.

Everyone was too bemused to even listen to a single word he said.

Excluding DM, who was gazing at him dreamily and said in a happy, but quiet voice, "Isn't he just so handsome when he smiles like that?"

Aki was still unconscious on the floor, but was annoyed enough to kick the lovesick girls chair.

Everyone was sure that Snape had made up this potion five seconds ago; the first sign was he said, "I made up this potion 5 seconds ago! Isn't that great?"

It was a happy potion and it only got stranger…

"Mr. Malfoy that is not how you do it! You're supposed to cut the root at 1.23 centimeters from the starting point, not 1.23 ½ centimeters! Sixty points from Slytherin!"

"What a marvelous brew you have Ms. Granger, nice stirring you've done, fifty points to Gryffindor."

"Why, DM, might I say that you're looking lovely today?" 

The only ones to leave the class conscience were DM and Harry (Only because DM accidently stepped on his foot when leaving the class).

"Wasn't that great Harry?" asked DM, dreamily.

Harry didn't answer because his glasses just cracked.

For the rest of the day the corridors were filled with a skipping Snape, singing 'Lollipop' and giving out sweets to anyone there.

After a very merry Snape gave out his last piece of candy he retreated to the Great Hall, guess who he gave his piece of candy too.

"I will treasure this sugary little cube forever more," said a _very _happy DM, while eating lunch with everyone else.

"DM, DM! I have some very bad news! If we don't turn Snape back into his original self, the world will go boom!" shouted a distraught Aki, running into the Hall.

"It's _Professor_ Snape," Said DM, not really paying attention to the meteors crashing outside or the earth sprouting fire. One flame just happened to hit the piece of candy DM was marveling over.

"It's melting, it's _melting_!" DM shrieked as the candy dissolved into nothing.

Just then Voldemort came bursting throw the doors and shouted, "Is it true! Is Snape really happy?"

Harry stood up and said, "It's true! The world is dissolving into nothingness!"

"Nonsense, that's my job!"

"You'd better believe it, bucko!" Piped up Aki, pointing to Snape, who was wearing a pretty pink dress (Oh, the mental image is devastating!)

Voldemort walked up to Snape and asked, "Is it true, Severus? Are you…happy?"

"Why yes, yes I am!"

Voldemort got on his knees and shouted, "_NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!__!"_

**~*O*~**

Five hours later, everyone in Hogwarts was gathered around a surgery table, with Aki holding a scalp and wearing a doctor's mask, with Voldemort as her assistant.

"Shock pelts?"

"Shock pelts."

…

"Shovel?"

"Shovel."

…

"Sponge?"

"Sponge."

…

"Is it too late to save him doctor?"

"No! No, don't die on me! Breath man, breath!"

"Is he…is he gone?"

A sigh. Aki held up a mangled teddy bear."8:25 p.m."

"_MR. SNOGGLEWOFFINS, __NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO-"_

"Do _not _start that again!"

DM then walked in, holding Snape be the arm and said, "Hey guys, what I miss? Oh by the way, Snape should be back to his original self by tomorrow morning!"

Then the fires were quenched, the birds came back to life, and DM lived happily ever after!

Until the next morning when the entire castle was awake with a furious scream…

"_I DID WHAT?"_

**~*O*~**

_Rule #5,031: Never, ever, EVER place an opposite charm on Professor S. Snape._

**Edit: SO. MUCH. STUPIDITY. JRGHSLEJFB! DDDDX**


End file.
